The holidays are often painted as a time of pure joy: cozy family gatherings, sparkling lights, festive traditions, and togetherness. But if you’re going through a divorce, or still healing from one—you may find yourself dreading the season instead of looking forward to it. Suddenly, everything that once felt familiar can feel foreign, and the grief of “what was” shows up at the very moments that are supposed to feel the happiest.
If this sounds like you, let me pause and say: you are not alone. I work with so many people who feel exactly the same way. Divorce changes the landscape of your holidays, and that’s not easy. But here’s the encouraging part: while this season may look different, it doesn’t have to feel hopeless. With a few intentional shifts, you can find peace, carve out joy, and even start to embrace new traditions that make the holidays meaningful again.
Allow Yourself to Feel the Grief
Grief isn’t something you can schedule away for “after the holidays.” It often shows up more strongly now because the season magnifies what’s changed, an empty seat at the table, family rituals that look different, or the simple ache of imagining how things “used to be.” Instead of pushing those feelings down or telling yourself to “get over it,” allow them.
Give yourself permission to cry, to journal, or to talk it out with a friend. Light a candle in honor of the past. Let yourself feel without judgment. By acknowledging the grief, you create space for healing. You’ll likely find it passes more gently when it’s welcomed rather than resisted.
Create New Traditions That Work for You
One of the hardest parts of post-divorce holidays is realizing old traditions may not work anymore. But here’s the flip side: you now have the opportunity to create new ones that feel authentic and joyful in this chapter of your life.
For example, I had a client who used to host a huge Christmas Eve dinner for her extended family. After her divorce, the thought of managing that event alone felt overwhelming. Instead, she started a new tradition with her kids: a holiday breakfast-for-dinner, complete with pajamas, pancakes, and silly Christmas movies. It was simple, but it became something her kids now look forward to every year.
Maybe for you it’s taking a walk along Chicago’s lakefront to see the lights at Millennium Park, baking cookies with friends, or even volunteering at a local shelter. Fresh traditions can soften the loss of the old while giving you something positive to anticipate.
Navigate Co-Parenting with Grace
If you’re co-parenting, the holidays can bring logistical challenges—and emotional ones, too. The best gift you can give yourself (and your kids) is preparation. Work out schedules early to minimize conflict, and communicate clearly with your co-parent about plans. Children thrive when they know what to expect, and seeing both parents create warm, loving holiday spaces helps them feel secure.
That said, don’t forget yourself in the process. If your children spend part of the holiday with your ex, use that time intentionally. Rest. Connect with supportive friends. Do something that nourishes you—whether that’s attending a holiday concert downtown, curling up with a good book, or simply enjoying quiet reflection. Your well-being matters just as much as your kids’.
Protect Your Energy
The holiday season comes with a whirlwind of invitations, traditions, and expectations. It’s easy to feel like you “should” be everywhere and do everything, even when your heart isn’t in it. Remember: “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to attend every gathering, bake every cookie, or maintain appearances for others.
Think about what truly brings you comfort and connection, and prioritize those things. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish—it’s an act of self-care that helps you show up more fully in the moments you do choose to celebrate.
Lean on Support
Finally, don’t go through this season in isolation. Whether it’s friends, family, or professional guidance, having a support system makes a world of difference. Talking through your grief, sharing your challenges, and brainstorming new strategies can lighten the load.
As a divorce coach and counselor, I help clients not only navigate the logistics of co-parenting and post-divorce life, but also move through the emotional journey with more clarity and resilience. Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a powerful step toward healing and creating a hopeful future.
A Closing Thought
The truth is, the holidays may not look like they once did—and that’s okay. This chapter of your life doesn’t have to be defined by loss. It can also be a season of rediscovery, courage, and small, meaningful joys. Healing takes time, but each step you take to honor your feelings and care for yourself brings you closer to peace.
From my home here in Chicago to yours, I wish you grace, hope, and gentle moments of joy this holiday season. Remember, you are stronger than you know, and brighter days are ahead.